Cause I don't want to be alone tonight

There's no need to pretend,

no need for innocence.

I've got to be honest now.

The worst things in life come free to us

"'Cause we're just under the upper hand..."

Nothing in life

that is worthy of your time

comes easy.

No great minds think alike.

We're all distant competitors

of the next big thing.

When people are used

and things are loved,

the world falls apart.

And my world is already broken,

a shattered dimension of your world,

distorted through these hazel eyes.

My apologies,

I didn't know to be in love,

or to be happy,

or to just simply enjoy life,

you had to fight to have the upper hand.

And this snowball of fear and loathing,

worthlessness and self-pity,

keeps picking up your words.

You don't realize when they

escape from your lips,

smirking,

they are painted bright red

in the air they were spoken in.

None of this makes sense,

it's just mumbo-jumbo bullshit that rattles around in my head.

Lately these deeper thoughts have been returning.

All I want to do is make you happy;

but what would make you happy

is my happiness.

I just don't think I can afford to pretend any longer.

I'm floating above myself at night, watching myself. It's eerily silent. You're here too. You're watching me watch myself. I would turn my head to look at you, but for some odd reason, I my eyes are glued to my reflection. I am a ghost on the ceiling. You, the real you, enters my room. I don't know why, but you flip my on my back...you stab me. You're laughing and crying at the same time. I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or to be angry at you. I don't know whether you regret stabbing me, or you enjoyed it. Then you're gone, the real you. I turn my head to look at you, floating on the ceiling with me. You're crying, and mouthing something to me, but I can't hear it.

And I just turn back to watch myself peacefully escape my body.

Fading slowly as the blood oozes.

I'm ok with that.

Rock Bottom is the A Team

Those who say people never change

have obviously never met me

when I was younger,

and full of life,

when I dared to fly.

Those who say

money can’t buy happiness

don’t know that what’s free

isn't exactly the best,

and what you don’t

have to work for

isn't exactly worth it.

            How are you supposed to feel when you want to desperately to end your life, yet you’re too afraid of death to go through with it? Trapped, I guess. That’s how I feel. I’m stuck between two extremes, and the path in the middle, the one that everyone wants me to go down, is covered in this darkness. I can’t see a thing. It’s like a blanket of self-doubt and worthlessness and hopelessness, and you can never find your way out. Every time you think you've found the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s just another torch leading you deeper and deeper into the depths of depression. It’s like every ounce of happiness just seeps out of me, and every time I fall back into my bad habits of lying, smoking, skipping classes, and stealing, I fade further from who I really am. My life has been a constant spiral, out of control. Sometimes upwards, moving so fast towards happiness that I can almost taste it, but there’s gravity; everything has to fall at some point. My life is usually a spiral downward, falling fast towards my death. 

And I think I've finally reached rock bottom.

"They say, she's in the class A Team, stuck in her daydream, been that way since eighteen.."

just.....fuck you

Hello again, friend of a friend.

dont lose your place child,
when its too hard to catch up.
dont run away child
you know where youll end up.
youll learn eventually
that everything you see
is just a hologram of reality.
If you're a judge
wheres my verdict
so perfectly worded
yet no depth, just surface.
i have constructed an alibi
that may not be honest
but at least i am modest
when i say im not perfect.

Must we start again,
and do this all over?
Will it ever end?
I just need closure.

Must we start again,
and do this all over?
Will it ever end?
I just need closure.

AOD

The air was still and quiet. The trees had that familiar bleached, grey look about them. The shadow realm. No sunshine in such a dull dimension. The lake that the angel sat around was painted with the reflection of her black, ominous wings. The angel of death.
Most called her the grim reaper, though she wore skin, because of the symbolic hood that was mandatory on Earth. Her baton, which, when pulled, elongated and transformed into any weapon of her choice, was attached to her belt. She wore a cape, and when still, it closed around her like a cloak, which made the reaper effect more real. Underneath she wore laced boots, a skirt, and a t-shirt which ripped on the sleeves.
She liked human clothes, though any color was forbidden in the shadow realm. She likes the though of being human, which she had wished for since the beginning of the angels. She often wondered why she was chosen to be the angel of death. Why couldn't she be a normal angel? Able to fall in love. Able to bear a child. Able to die.
Abruptly, a single leaf fell off her tree, yet there was no wind in the shadow realm. This meant business as usual; her job. She wasn't to take souls to neither heaven nor hell; too many people died at once. She was to lead lost souls to purgatory, which not very many attended.
She stood, and stretched her wings; a full 14 foot wingspan of colorless feathers. The angel of death did not fly to Earth from the shadow realm, for it was impossible. The only way into Earth was to travel through the shadows, in which the angel did. She flipped into the darkness and swam until she found light.
She emerged flying, and smiling. Oh how she loved the feeling of the sun on her wings, the wind in her hair. She gulped the wonderful air, for there was none in the shadow realm. If only she could be human, if only.
The angel came to a stop and hovered above the body, dropping slowly. The soul stood over its former self, wide-eyed and frightened. He had been a good man, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Neither heaven nor hell wanted him, so he was sentenced to all eternity in purgatory.
The angel began to dream about what it would be like to die. There are many different types of heaven; the one where angels live; the one were angels have died; and the one souls go to when their body have passed on. Oh what she would give.
The angel held out her hand, and the soul, without further explanation, accepted his fate and took it.

youre against me.
all of you.

i just dont feel like living anymore.

happy birthday to me....

The sky screams

a promise of destruction,

and despite its warning

I keep walkin'.

I feel no threat

by our doom,

or the fact

my life is through.

I'll make sure to

stomp on fear's feet

so now he can't sneak up on me.

The wind sings a song

that's most unpleasant.

We slaughter the future

to preserve the present.

All of this just

goes unnoticed

by the watchful eyes

and the ink that wrote us.

I try to keep 

my head above the water

but as the current gets faster

breathing gets harder.

time and time again we fall into this rut of self-pity.

i just dont know anymore

something seems off....

corvu est prope

just know just know that i will always always love you

you selfish motherfucking prick.

Don't. Look. Out. The. Window.

Slender's World

" ........Its limbs were the tree branches! Its hands were grabbing at me; its face appeared everywhere I turned. I couldn’t get out of its reach. It seemed the more kids it stole, the longer its arms. The longer its arms, the more powerful it was. I was stuck in another universe, a parallel to our own. One that it owns. It was Slender’s world now, and it had me and all the children in its grasp......"

Past Lives

Standing in a crowd of vacancy

stare at the faces staring back at me.

I have worn masks of many creatures,

changed my life and all my features.

Here I stand alone and torn

presented with past masks I've worn.

It hits my like a thousand knives

that now I do realize

these are all my past lives.

I want to go home
back to the place i know best
but the snow has covered everything in this town
and theres no home in sight
there no bed to rest.

here we go again.
colly colly
fuck
what do i do
keep messing with you?

in and out of life,
youre slowly slipping.
youre rocking is a sign
youre close to tipping.
now where the fucks your mind?
your biting and nipping
like the animal inside.
you know youre tripping.
theres just too much going wrong here.
theres too much of you that you lost dear.
im sorry you had to know fear
but whos fault is that in the end?
im not pointing my finger
but the fault falls on your head.

were slowling growing weaker, weaker.
were followed by the reaper reaper.
where are all our great thinkers?
were dying and were just so eager.

you dont know if you are
coming or going.
your mind is way too far,
your thoughts are slowing.
now everythings a blur,
youre scared its showing.
but its all what you deserve,
you best get going.
there's just so much for you to bear.
i know all you want is to see clear
but youll never see whats right there.

but whos fault is that in the end?
im not pointing my finger
but the fault falls on your head.


were slowling growing weaker, weaker.
were followed by the reaper reaper.
where are all our great thinkers?
were dying and were just so eager.

were slowling growing weaker, weaker.
were followed by the reaper reaper.
where are all our great thinkers?
were dying and were just so eager.

were all getting cheaper, cheaper.
no one will stand up to be a teacher.
we have no one for a leader, leader.
and we just dont care either.


were slowling growing weaker, weaker.
were followed by the reaper reaper.
where are all our great thinkers?
were dying and were just so eager.

were slowling growing weaker, weaker.
were followed by the reaper reaper.
where are all our great thinkers?
were dying and were just so eager.






(i know i know, i just keep revising the song. oh well. deal with it.)

In and out of life,

you’re slowly slipping.

Your rocking is a sign,

you’re close to tipping.

You don’t know if you are

coming or going.

Your mind is way too far.

Your thoughts are slowing.

Now you’re sporadic

drowning fast.

You’ve hit your end,

it’s come at last.

Your mind is gone

it’s in the past.

You’re stuck behind

The shadow you cast.

And you’re sinking slowly.

herrrrr

ill be S0ber 3ventually.
waiting for my foggy brain to clear.
i might smile sinfully
but behind that lies doubt and fear.
here i drink to my comrades
falling in the dust
friends die in my head every day
my brain slower with rust.
ill be S0ber 3ventually
just not now, not today
i cant live with the demons in my past
the shadows creep to take me away.
but eventually theyll leave
like the blood leaves my heart.
its cold as rock and hard as diamond
drinking to all thats fallen apart.

ill be S0ber 3ventually

craaaaaamps

why u no go away?!

its still kinda hard believing whats changed
i dont regret anything that happened, dont get me wrong
but i wish the you i lost it to
was a different you.

you loved me. thats undoubted.
but now you dont even miss me.
you dont care how i am,
how this fucking treatment is going..
its like i never even existed.

you dont miss me a single bit.

i miss you.

love love love love is a tricky subject

yes?

welcome home me

seeing my boy today.

happy.

lol just found a stem of weed on my mothers keyboard...

Jon has some splainin' to do.

I wish
I could get
over you.
But you fill my mind.
I don't know where
to go. Don't
know what to do.
Stuck inside
your lie, searching
for the truth.

Blah Blah Blah

shut your fucking mouth

you stupid whore

Heading home
mixed
feelings

basically I was there to be a babysitter and a maid
I didn't get paid a cent.
Oh, it's not fair to ask for money?

That's right.
I just sacrificed my 16th birthday to see you.
One incident and I have nothing for my 16th birthday.
One?
One.

I know it was wrong.
This is harsh though.

I am just so done with Elisa right now.
I am not allowed to say 'hate'?
Well I kinda hate the way you treated me.
Just a typical teenager?
Right. You're just a typical
control
freak.

Well I know I'm not going on this trip again.
You hate me
and I'm not willing to be dragged around by kids
and clean up after them and their drunk mommy
without pay.

Nothing I do is right in your eyes.
So sorry,
but bye.

I've found my own paradise
here in Hilton Head.
Sadly I'll have to return.
Sucks.
Can I not just be happy?
For once?

I needneedneed
I don't think it makes me sad.
I know it's a depressant but
so are you.
What can I do?
I will notnotnot
as much as I used to.

I just need to.

Then I met you.
You are just like him
but so much better.
So much.

You drive me crazycrazycrazy.
I want you,
you're just so awesome.

Be in my band?

Fuck. What am I gonna do?

I just saw a bunch of seagulls go by, it reminded me that I wanted to fly. Now, I suppose I still do, but not to fly away. I want to soar with you. With all of my friends.

For the first time in a long time....I am at peace. With life. With myself.

Everything is fine.

Although I don't think it will stay that way when I return home.

I leave for South Carolina tomorrow.
I'm excited but
I don't feel like it.
I think my feelings are hiding.
Save sadness and anger.

Blah.
Seeing JM yesterday and Mitchell today helped me a lot.
JM's coming over now and he's bringing me coffee
like the awesome boyfriend he is.
Cofffeeeeeeeeeeee.

*turkey noises*
they put me on abilify
wif my celexa.
I am officially crazy.
lol

things are looking up(:
well finally.
never thought I'd see the day
when you smiled at me.

yes, that is Paramore!
Kinda describes this whole sha-bang.
*turkey noises*
JM is here.
Cooooffffffffeeeeeeeeeee

peace

Who are you to call me a stranger?
I'm not the one who's stuck in the mirror.
I know everything you do,
and yet you think you're better.
Face it,
you are me too.
So don't judge me
like you would've done different.
I can't help playing memories in my head.
Revising and trying
to make it a different end.
You think everything went wrong
but you're just so mislead.

everytime..

this happens,
you're nice to me...
nice
nice
nice

but after a while
you forget
you slip
slip
slip
back to normal

and i guess everything is back to normal
because misery is back,
and i'm his best friend.

this darkness creep
creep
creeps
back up on me.
swallows me.
i am drowning without
a hand offering me
salvation.

it taunts me with light,
happiness.
every thing is perfect
perfect
perfect...
but not me.
is that why this darkness
follows me?
stalks me?
forever.

no pills
pills
pills
don't do shit.
nothing.

i am break
break
breaking apart
i am done.
done.
with life.

i cannot even see
i am surrounded.
it squeeze
squeeze
squeezes the life
out of me.

i am hollow.
dead.
done.

sigh.
im slipping.
back.
sigh.
you're the giant ass crack.
no im not talking about ass.

sigh.

cryptic me
silly me
explosions go boom.
i can hear my heart
in my throat.
a ticking time bomb.
just like you.

fuck,
what the hell am i supposed to do about this?
ignore it?
thats gotten me SO far in the past.
i cant talk about it.
i cannot.
will not.

shit.
maybe i am crazy?
do i really needneedneed
need i?
wantwantwant.
fuck.

fuck you.
i knew it was a matter of time.
we called the fucking bomb squad...
but band-aids cant fix bombs.
i dont know which wire to cut
looks like ive cut the wrong one..
now were back where we started
just like i knew we would be.

its a loop.
a cycle.
unbreakable...
how long do i have to suffer through
this before
you finally get that
im done?

done.....

sigh

The bombs are falling.
We're all just running
like children on a playground,
playing hide and seek
with life and death now.
We've got the brains,
we've got the smarts,
to tear them apart.
We'll hide it well,
we'll flip the charts,
and give us a head start.
We all know,
we all see.
We can't run
if we can't breathe.
They'll hunt us down,
town to town.
We have to stand up
we have to speak out.

Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why.
Where's your precious leaders now?

We won't get far crawling,
you know there's no point in stalling.
They see us running wild.
It's easy taking
candy from child.
We've drank from them,
we know it's poisoned.
they still won't listen.
They're just so thirsty
for information.
It's their persuasion.
They think it's
the only ration.
So they take the basin.

Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why...
Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why.
Where's your precious leaders now?

Hey stranger,
I know it's hard to remember me.

do i look different?
i do!
no shit.

you made me this way
you made me this way
you made me
this way

and blame me for my changes

shoo, im no longer single.
i dont move on fast, its just...
i wanted to.
this time.
and im not sure if i even like you.
but its only been a couple days...
why not wait?

okay, lets create a list.

My top 10 favorite smells (because I can)

1. Coffee
2. Books
3. Coffee (again)
4. Bonfires
5. Coffee (againagain)
6. Chlorine
7. Alcohol
8. Sweat
9. My shampoo (its kick-ass)
10. Nail polish

So i bullshitted the last couple cause i couldnt come up with more than 7.

oh! more news! im out of the partial program!
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOMMM

Nevertheless, it did help. I must admit.

Oh, and i have acquired a whole new group of friends...
because Tristan wont text me back.
bitch.
they issss....
john and george and cody and curtis and...well all them up in the shores.

home life is going good.
i tan most the day then hang with meh peeps.
but i cant tan.
my skin is like
no...fuck you.
and im like...
im gonna keep torturing you until you fucking tan...
bitch.

peace. gonna call the grandmaa 

I'm back!

It just took me a while.

Here’s a bit of trouble for you;

I’m seeing double or truth.

You best fold your hand,

or at least wipe it down.

You don’t know where it’s been.

I’m crazy but at least I’m not insane.

I’m afraid that that’s what they all say.

I’m playing poker with tarot cards,

I have death and death but haven’t lost so far.

I’m pulling ligaments in Grim’s hand,

forcing him to catch you in the act.

Well Grim’s stalking in Speyside.

I’m afraid it’s our time.

Well we’ve lost ourselves again.

Who knew we’d have to find another friend?

Hand in hand, bone to flesh now.

I’m still holding onto Death now.

Well it seems it’s a dead end.

We have to turn around and face our death.

Say goodbye to all that we love.

Say hello to never enough.

Confused between need and want.

DBPB

"Dear stereotypes,

One of my friends is black, is 6' 4", and could come off as menacing to the stereotype-filled mind. But he's really the strongest person I know who lost his mother to cancer and his sister to suicide and is still here to talk about it after nearly committing suicide himself. He's fun, energetic, lively, and easily the most enthusiastic and caring person I've ever met. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

Sincerely, look past the stereotypes and find the person."

saw this on Dear Blank Please Blank. I think it applies, no?

Everything

I feel like this whole world is mocking me.

Everything in it, from the mountains

right down to the sand on the ocean floor.

Even the stars. I feel like they’re whispering to me

a song that’s most unpleasant. A future

that I’m unaware of having.

They dance around in their velvet sky,

winking down sarcastically.

Insulting me, dancing around my troubles,

shouting words of discouragement,

mocking me, taunting me.

I hate it; I hate everything in this world.

From the mountains, right down

to the sand on the ocean floor.

Everything in between. Especially

the stars. Who are you to taunt me?

Who are you to mock me?

You have no right!

Whatsoever.

excerpt

"We weren't normal,
but hey,
what more could you ask for?

How would you define normal anyway?
There's no possible way to judge someone on a scale of weird to normal,
because nothing is normal. Everything is weird, and that had become the new norm.
So when we said we weren't normal,
it wasn't a judgement of ourselves, made by ourselves,
it was saying we were normal in every way possible,
without being normal at all."

So, this is an excerpt of the 'story' I am currently working on.
I just kind of fell in love with this thesis. I dunno,
I wanted to share it because I haven't shared anything with you lately.

But nobody reads this anyway.

hm

i knew you two were fighting
'cause you were sad.
today you didnt talk so much, but i saw you being happy with others.
i wonder
i just wonder.

oh my, oh my,
why cant i,
just die.
like everybody else who gives no fuck.
i give no fuck,
but to you.
but to you.

and you have no clue.

secrets

Everyone has secrets

That could drown them in the sea.

Written down, but long lost

like forgotten history.

Yeah, I lied,

but so did you.

So no one needs to know.

Eat your words,

then shut your mouth.

I’ll see you at the show.

ergh

Now why the hell does my soul have to be so fucking old?
Who knows, maybe I am old.

"a young one stuck in the thoughts of an old one's head." - W.A.M.S. by FOB

That definitely describes me.
Who knows, maybe a soul is just a word we use as a safety blanket.
Our bodies die but our souls do not. Our spirit does not.
Maybe we just say that to cease the fear of the unknown.
Of what happens after death.

I am the tune to a lullaby,
the same melody you use
to sing yourself to sleep.
You will never know
how it feels to be
as lonely as me.

I am miserable at best.

Help me, help me
I have been all wrong!
Nobody told me it would be this hard.
I'm scared and lonely,
no one seems to care.
I'm bent and broken way beyond repair.

There's this question mark
hung over my head,
which begs the question:
have I been mislead?
I don't know what I want
or who the hell I am.
Few people listen,
but no one understands.

todaayyy

is me and Tyler's 3 month anniversary.

I know, not big at all right?
Well, I guess it kind of is for me.
I wasn't expecting to stay with him this long.
God, I'm such a horrible person.

Okay, change of subject. I was reading through my blog and I realized I really only ever post my deeper or more pessimistic thoughts on here. Well, I can't really post anything else on here. I can't tell you about my life anymore. I'm being watched. It sucks, because you all probably think I'm some depressing chick who only sees the downside to every situation. But I am not like that at all.
I am happy. I smile. My life is wonderful right now. I just post all my thoughts on here, because I have no other place to put them. My thoughts are scary. Hell, they scare me sometimes! But in general, I'm a pretty happy person. I'm loud and obnoxious and people say I'm funny but I don't think so. People say I'm pretty but I don't think so. I'm just a normal teenage girl with a pretty weird and deep mind. It's not a blessing nor a curse. It's just kind of there, in the background, screaming "No! Don't do that!"

But I do anyway (:

Telli

I feel bad for all the intelligent people;
they aren't naive.
They see the world for what it really is.
Dark. Fucked up.

Maybe that's why we don't have so many great thinkers;
they all just hide away.
Or leave. Forever.

I want to leave.

pp

Paper People

Life is just a perpetual cycle,

where I meet death’s tail and follow.

We paper people think sick and idle

but our minds remain vain and hollow.

I like this poem. Not because I wrote it, but because it's kind of true. We are paper people. Two dimensional. We have no depth; we don't wonder about what's beyond the stars. We don't marvel at our ability to think. We don't even marvel at beauty. We just think about ourselves, and maybe every once in a while we'll see things from a different perspective, but mainly we're looking through our own eyes. We see, hear, feel,  and think what we see, hear, feel, and think. Not what others see, hear, feel, and think.

Life is just a cycle where one paper person is born after another. Maybe every once in a while a great mind is born, like Einstein or Galileo or Darwin, but mainly it is just people who can only see through one set of eyes. People who can only think in small doses, or not at all. People who don't wonder, or marvel. They are too wrapped up in their own drama, or every body else's drama. They don't think beyond Earth. They don't think Earth. They think: "me."

It frustrates me that no one else sees this. It frustrates me that when I try to explain what I'm seeing, nobody understands. They just can't grasp the fact that life is more than just themselves. I hate it. This is a paper town full of paper people who only think in this paper town. I wish a huge gust of wind would come along and blow them away. Or I wish God knew origami. Then he could fold these people and make them into swans. Three dimensional swans, instead of two dimensional ugly-ducklings.

We need another great mind.

This world is beginning to fold in on itself,

and I don't think the universe can hold

the dead weight of a paper ball.

I

am tired of always coming in second. every time I'm compared to someone, I'm never good enough. it feels like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough for anybody, or even for myself, which is the worst feeling in the world. we've grown up to accept who is real and when we compare ourselves to that, an try to apply ourselves to that, we will never be that. it sucks knowing nobody is good enough for themselves. you either think youre too fat, too tall, too annoying. it sucks. all I want is to be desired. but everybody says it, and if they dont, they imply it; I'm not as good as them. Skyler and kieran say I'm not as pretty as Jessica. they say she is more attractive. even though she is my best friend and I would never give her up for the world and I am extremely proud of her beauty, it still hurts coming in second. Emmie always gets all the guys. its either I'm not pretty enough or don't have curves or im just plain annoying. even though Emmie is my cousin and I love her and I would never give her up for the world, it still hurts coming in second. always. always I will come in second. it sucks. it hurts. that is why I am not good enough for myself...

I'm not good enough for anybody else.

I hate

I hate knowing that when you look at me,
all you see is a girl.

collin collin collin colly colly fuck fuck.

Ty

I hope you realize what you do to me every time you call me a whore.

Or when I tell you how people are dicks to me.

You just laugh. Always. You don't care.


I guess I just have a thing for assholes.

Needsleep

The muscles in my heart fell asleep.

And I cannot.

oh

......icwutudidthar

Today was awesome. I don't feel like spilling details. I already did on my tumblr.

Maybe I'm losing touch with blogger?

hmmm.

D.

I don’t know how long I’ve been waiting here.

Seems like an eternity.

 Your presence is haunting

your moods swings are daunting.

 I can barely breathe.

You’re like a lake in a desolate tract,

noticeable but still little.

Your creek has a bend,

you’re shallow at your ends

but still you’re deep in the middle.

I have held you through endless fights,

wars you’ve waged on yourself.

I have held your hand,

fixed your mess

and I put blame on nobody else.

Now you say your does,

say you’re through.

Swallow yourself in your shell.

k, no more

NO MORE!!

I'm throwing in the towel.

I need to stop this,
so I'm forcing myself to stop.

33

This month of January I will try everything on this list, starting with 8, because today is the eighth.

I guess

Maybe I should start addressing you by your real name.
Naaahh, that ain't me.
I'm a nickname kind of girl.

I miss summer. I miss going on wacky adventures with my cousin. I miss going down to the levy and watching the sunset. I miss going to Wendy's and Mickie's at ten at night. I miss going to Target at three in the morning. I miss going to Kroger's at six in the morning. I miss those all-nighters where we sat up and just talked. I miss playing Sims with you like a little child. I miss those hikes in the woods. I miss getting lost in neighborhoods we don't know. I miss Yellow Springs. I miss the feeling of the sun on my skin. I miss the pool. I miss the smell of chlorine. I miss summer.

One two three go! Stop your ironic cheering! Stop telling me it's okay!
Stop telling me to shake it off!
I won't!

Head-rush in three two one, FUCK.

K, rant over.

Peaches out.

moozik

Okay, so ya'll know I wanna be a musician. We've gone over this many, many times.
Or have we?

Berklee sent me this thing for their college in the mail. I'm just trying to figure out if they sent it to every teenager in W.C. or if they just sent it to me. And if they just sent it to me, did they know I want to become a musician, or did they just send it for the hell of it? And if they did know, how? (add-on sentences.)

So, I came on here looking at my old posts to see if I ever mentioned anything about my determination to perform. I couldn't really find anything. It's all just writing. Well ya'll should know music is my main priority, not writing. I guess I just made this blog to share some writing with you, and maybe a little bit of life experiences. I guess this is just a blog. Maybe it doesn't serve the purpose of a place I can put down thoughts and poems. Maybe it doesn't serve any purpose at all.

I don't know, it's not like writing is out of the question. It never will be. I love to write, and I will never stop. Never. It's in my blood, it's in my mind. Hell, it's in my grandmother's and father's minds too! But music, I don't know...something about the way it can bring back memories, the way it can open up anybody's minds, the way it can change people....I want to do that! I want to bring back memories! I want to open people's minds! I want to change people!

Ahh, I'm thinking too much! I wish this Berklee packet came with a little note attached telling me everything I'm questioning. Nothing gives me more doubt than the unknown. Ahh, I don't know! It's not like any of this is happening now...I just want a head start on this.

I'ma go research Berklee and get my Panic! on.
See you mofos later.

Here I am,

passed hand to hand.

Living cold and sullen.

I sit observing

those deserving.

Thought I not one of them.

A different mother,

not left nor smothered.

Indifferent like the rest.

Many moons pass,

the next like the last,

I stow away in my chest.

Tumblr Poem

Sex, drugs, rock and roll,
weed, speed, and birth control.
Life's a bitch, then you die;
FUCK the world lets get high.


Now THAT is what I call a poem (: