Paradox?

The next sentence is true.

The previous sentence is false.

What if Pinocchio said, "my nose will grow now?"

If I chose not to decide, have I still made a choice?

If seeing is believing, then why are looks deceiving?

Why is there no other word for synonym?

Bonfire

This night was magical.
When I got there, Sam, Kristin, and I went walking around in the Hintermeister woods. Then we went around the bonfire and roasted hotdogs. Everybody was making weenie jokes, and we were laughing hysterically. I kept poking the ground and making it sizzle when my hot roaster-stick (does that sound wrong?).
Then we roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. I cannot believe Kristin hadn't ever had a s'more until tonight. It boggles me. We sat in the little area with the intersecting ropes and sang everything from Misery Business by Paramore to Price Tag by that-one-chick.
Anyway, then we all played hide-and-go-seek. Sam, Kristin, Jonah, and I all hid together the first round. We stayed in out spot for twenty minutes after the round had finished because nobody bothered to text us.
The next round was just Sam and I, and we hid almost in the same spot. I'm still surprised we didn't lose. I had a white hoodie on, and we were talking and texting the whole time. Anyway, Jonah (who was seeker) passed us like six times, and we didn't get caught. Finally, he got lost and gave up. And again, nobody bothered to tell us.
The third round, is was Sean who was hiding, and we all had to find him. He had a red blinker light that flashed on and off. It was mandatory he wore it, so we didn't have to look too hard. The plan was to just leave him there for a while. But eventually we went looking for him. He had taken the light out of his hoodie and taken the hoodie off. We found both, and when we got them, and crossed his path, he jumped out and almost made a girl pee herself.
It was hilarious.
By then, it was about time to leave. So Mark's dad packed everything up, and I swung and watched the stars while everyone slowly started to leave. Then I got home. Yay. But it was a fun, fun night. I'm still on a sugar high from all the Coke and S'mores I'd drank and eaten. Nights like these really make me want to just kick back and enjoy my life. I love just relaxing. I need to take time from this blog, and Facebook, and Twitter, and just live.
So, tomorrow I'm going to King's Island with my mom. But you won't be hearing back from me for a while. (Not too long though.)
It's hard to think that not 8 hours ago, I was with my cousin and her friends at Drischool* and McDonald's. goofing off in the play-pin and almost making it fall with our accumulated 730 pound asses. I jinxed myself when I said nothing interesting happens in my life. This night moved fast.
Too fast.


Bye, for a while. I love you all. Please be here when I return.

Well

Well Gosh, nothing really interesting is happening in my life right now....which, I mean, nothing interesting ever does happen. Just, ya know, normal-teenage-I-hate-everything angst. But I haven't really posted anything about Panic! lately...well....I guess I have?
Oh, screw it, I don't care. If ya wanna read my blog, read it, if you don't, oh well.



And in the meantime? Goin' to a choir party at Hintermeister.

S'mores and soggy ground and bonfires.

What a lovely idea.

La Write

Ahhh, thank God for my brother. Without him, I'd've (I invented a new word) lost everything. All of the things I found from when I was a kid, typed out, and put on my flash-drive. It would've all been gone. But nope (: it's not. 'Cause I have the best big brother in the world.

:D :D :D

Happpyyy dayyy (:

My "Nostalgic" Playlist

Here's my "Nostalgic" playlist, in which I put many songs that remind me of my childhood.
Give it a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLF56EF5B56572F454

aaaaand sigh

Today, I sang for the Ice cream Social, which is this pathetic fund-raising event held in the cafeteria of my high shcool. See, the point is, to have live "entertainment" singing for you while you eat ice cream and talk about how bad of a choir we are. And we are. We are horrible. We were the first to go on, and the worst there to sing. But that's not my point. My point is:
Before my choir went on, I was just dilly-dallying around, since we went on at 4 and I had arrived at 3. But in the cafeteria, as I walked over to my somber little corner where I sat and did absolutely nothing but look creepily out of the window, I walked through a spot where somebody had sprayed AXE. My mind was reeling. I guess I was trying to remember something, because I had this sudden feeling of...of I don't even know. Just a feeling that I couldn't place, that vanished as soon as it had appeared.
Then it hit me: Dorian. That was the cologne that Dorian had always worn. Always. And my mind was trying to remember a time I had spent with him, but I had blocked it because I don't really like thinking of my ex-boyfriends all too much. The smell had nauseated me, but as it turned out, when I lost Dorian, I found the smell actually comforting. And I missed it (I don't now, of course).
Now, I feel sick to my stomach with guilt. I had a suppressed memory, that was triggered by the smell of his cologne. I'm not supposed to be thinking about him. We're over and done with. But, still, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept wondering what that feeling was, or what the memory was even supposed to be. And I realized, that feeling was longing. Dread and longing and relief and anger. Most of the feelings I felt when we broke up.

I still can't place the memory though. Because he wasn't around me when we broke up the final time. He dumped me over text. So I don't know why I'm feeling the feelings I felt when we broke up. (try saying that three times fast.)

Walking on air

Why is it that whenever something goes seriously wrong in my life, the next day if feels like I'm walking on air? I mean, gosh, even the situation with me and Adam is on the fast-track to Fix-It-Ville. I feel like I post my emotions too soon. I seem down before everything lifts up.
But, isn't it always that way? You have to drop before you can fly. Well I'm tired of posting downers on my blog while I'm in the free-fall. But whenever I'm flying something is always nagging at me. Like, say, my common sense, for instance? Or, my sense of reality, which I've acquired from my father. But, I don't know, I always have this shadow, that glows in the most conspicuous places.
And here, I feel like I'm posting a downer. But, really, it's just me being me. I'm a pessimist. You can bite me, I don't care what you think. I'm only saying that whenever I'm walking on air, I always know in the back of my mind, that sooner or later one of these clouds is gonna give way.

And I'm back to falling.

As far as birthdays go

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear me. Happy birthday to me.

I wish you could sense all of the bitterness and anger in that. But I guess you could just read that sentence and know anyway.

As far as birthdays go, if I keep having bad birthdays year after year
I'm just going to forget this day even exists.

This, marked on my imaginary calendar, is third to worst moment of my life.

Oh, I really need to stop thinking of myself. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Ew. I hate it.

Okay. Back to caring about others.

Gosh, I'm such a downer!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)  :) :) : ) : ) :) :D :D :D :D :D :D :) :) Handful of smiles for everyone!!

9/11

May everybody who passed on, on this horrible day, rest in peace.

So this song doesn't really go with 9/11 but I wanted to post it.

This is the most truthful song I've ever heard to date.

The bridge goes with 9/11.

"The blind leading the blind."

Herm

"Actually, none of these were written with anything to do with him in mind. They are things people have told me, I have read and written down that I think are some pieces of great advice. I guess it's hard for anyone on the outside to understand the relationship that we have now. i think everyone would be surprised that we are actually friends, I see him at least once and month, he's given me a tour of his new house and we've had many conversations about our wishes, flaws and ways of dealing with things. Ryan's life isn't in the dumps, that's just what the outside world thinks. He is busy, doing what he loves and honestly seems calmer and more content than I have ever seen him. It's hard to believe but fame isn't always #1 to people, and many people who have it, then really revert from wanting it.

I guess because of our relationship that people do not see, it's easy for me to crack one on him because I know he will laugh, shake his head and I think understands my crazy. Ryan is friends with both swoon and I, and honestly, this is a much bigger deal to you than it is to us, we laugh about our relationship and what a nut-so time it was often."

I am so happy I'm crying.
Thanks for clearing this up.

I've been all wrong. Sorry Ryan. Sorry Keltie.

I Should Say

I say the things I say most of the time because I think they are important.

Maybe not to you.

But they are to me.

Don't question why I write the way I write. Don't question what I write.

Maybe the answers you're looking for are written between the lines.

But in most cases, not unlike mine, they are plain and bold.

You don't have to read them.


Most of the time, they are just incoherent thoughts and incomplete ideas. Sometimes, they may be relevant to you, and some other times, I'm just trying to be funny. But you don't have to understand why I do or say or type or write most of the things I do. You don't have to understand me at all. That's not what I'm here for. I'm here to give you words. And they mean nothing at times, but on other days they are as great as the universe. They are as deep as an abyss and they are far as the mind can see. Any word is worth a thousand more.

You don't have to understand them to get them.

On a train

I'm on a train,
except no one is at the helm.
And no one is on the train.
Except for you.
But I'm not there.
And we're passing through black tunnels
underground,
and I see your reflection in the window
is somebody completely different.

And then we crash.

I see you thrown from your seat.
Glass shatters,
headlights glare.
And you are no more.
Nonexistent.
You were never alive.

I see everything reverse.
Headlights of the other train fade away
and the glass falls back into place.
Except you don't fall back into your seat.
The person sitting there
is the person I saw as your reflection.
Somebody completely different.

You were never there in the first place.




Then I wake up.

What is it, to fly?

Today, I swung.

Swang?

The past tense form of swing.

Anyway, I went to my old elementary school (which is only like 3 blocks away anyway) and swung 'til my heart 'twas content. The only thing I could see was the sky and birds. Silly little me was so envious of those birds.
When you look at the sky, what do you see?
I see an opportunity. Beauty. The whole world is mine, it is what I make of it. But all I want to do is fly. Fly away. Like Kelly Clarkson says: "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky."
Oh I yearn! I long! I belong in the sky! When I look at the birds the sky seems so much bigger. When you look at it, it looks like a ceiling; small. But when you see a bird flying high above, it becomes so much more. And I belong with the clouds!
So I swing and swing and tilt my head so all I can see is the sky. It feels like flying but I'm not going anywhere. Girls like me just hope and hope that one day we'll jump out of the swing and we'll stay in the air. Gravity has no control over me! I yearn! But I can't fly.
Oh, how I yearn to fly. Just...fly......away.........

TGIF

It's Friday! Yay! Now for some downtime. Anyway.



This.

This chick is freakin' perfect. She's gorgeous, she stands up for what is right, and she has the cutest pup. (Almost like Keltie, but if I say Keltie I'd have to say good writer also, so..) I actually like Sarah. Brendon got something right this time.

I will call Sarah Kazo. 'Cause she likes Katy Perry and Zoe Dasha-nelle something. (Can't spell to save my life.) Anyway, T., why don't you BUY A FREAKIN' RING ALREADY?!

(Also, I now go by Peaches.)

That is all. Goodbye.

Happy Birthday, Spence

I feel like you are your own species, Spencer. Mr. Spence. The Spencenator.

So many nicknames for you. My favorite being Blue, because of your eyes.

Well anyway, Happy 24th. Keep being whoever the hell you are.

'Cause you just have this subtle silence, that blankets a deeper meaning over whatever you say.

Even if it is sarcastic. Or...completely meaningless?

I feel like you could write a song,
and it wouldn't make any sense,
but it'd be the prettiest song I'd ever heard.

Blue, Spencetron, Spidey-Spence, (I bet you're getting tired of reading that name)
you are already so much more than even I can explain.


And that's saying something.