Favorite Words

Favorite Words:

Bunches = A lot. "I miss you bunches!"
Happy face = Used in the presence of a good mood, gratitude, good news, or to what others have said or done. "Awe! Happy face! Thanks!"
Salt/Salty/Super salty = Expressing grumpiness (referring to mood or to what someone said or did). "Awe man! Super salty!"
Sad face = Used in the presence of a mistake, bad news, denial of object of desire, or in the presence of a bad mood. "Give me the cookie! No! Sad face!"
Ouch = Expressing sympathy for the pain of others. (whether referring to irreverence or physical pain) "Ouch man, that oughta hurt!"
Eat that = Usaully used when having just proven a point, or having done something to show off or top others. "Oh yeah! I'm right! Eat that!"
Nom nom nom = Anything you want it to mean. "Nom nom nom!"
Om nom nom = Anything you want it to mean. "Om nom nom!"
Frowny face = Usually used in the presence of a bad mood. "You took my pencil! Frowny face."
Uber (I spell it oober) = Great proprtions. "Dude I am oober happy face right now!"
Epic = Cool, awesome, big, great. "Epic speech man!"
Christmas trees = Expression of frustration. "Oh! Christmas trees! Can you stop being so stubborn?"
Indubitably = Yes. "Indubitably my friend."
Shit on a cracker = Expression of frustration, usually used in the presence of a mistake. "Holy shit on a cracker! I dropped my pen!"
Fuck a duck = Another expression of frustration, used more frequently. "Fuck a duck! I got my shirt ripped!"
Fuck a duck on a cracker = Expression of extreme anger or frustration, usually referring to mistakes of others or yourself. "Fuck a duck on a cracker! I got an F on my homework!"
It's because I'm black = Used when being criticised, decried, or in the presence of a mistake made by yourself. "You only hate me because I'm black."

Swollen

I've been lonely and sick lately. Not the 'I feel like I might vomit, even though I don't, I just want out of school' sick. I'm talking about the 'Every muscle in my body hurts, oh and not to mention my face is swollen to the size of a watermellon because nobody believed I was actually sick' sick. Everything to the right of my face (I.E. neck, jaw, throat, cheek, ear, eyebrow, temple, and area surrounding said swollen features) is swollen. (And my right nostril is stuffy) And every time I move ANYTHING, I feel a sharp pain vibrate throughout my whole entire body.

The lonely part; same as always:

I feel hated.

Another Poem?

Cold is walking with the daisies.

When the ice heard the water wake up.

The stars fall down like a spotlight

Like diamonds would fall in the rough.

And there are footprints in the snow.

And there are secrets in the wind.

And there are thorns upon the rose.

But there's no beginning to the end.

But she walks so gracefully.

And she laughs so easily.

I said hello to the wind.

She passes by with leafs in her hair.

But she floats above the grass.

Almost as if she isn't really there.

Love

You never really stop loving someone, you just learn to try to live without them. But sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Because if you start dweling on what you don't have, and forget to appreciate what you're lucky to have, then you're going down a road that has no U-turns. So don't dwell on who let you down, charish those who held you up.

To you, old friend

With the winds that whispers,
All your secrets.
Touching down beside me.
A heart that's full of,
Good intentions.
Ripped from your chest.
Your eyes are golden,
Your scars are warm.
And, you hold me in your arms.
I'll remember,
Who you are.
But I have to move on.

I'll keep your pictures.
I'll hold your memories.
I'll never forget,
What you taught me.
A lesson,
Wisdom,
Is hard to find these days.

And oh,
If you saw me now,
What would you say?
I still remember,
Our last words.
As painful as it is to replay.
I don't hate you.
I never will.
I'm sorry for my actions,
But looking at you now,
You seem so still,
I wish you didn't give up.

And I love you,
I'll always miss you.
I'll always feel your heart.
It lies right beside me,
On the pillow,
As I pray to God you stay strong.

Flaws Baby!

So, here I am watching my life pass by, when I realize that if you can't love yourself you're not entitled to love anything else. So I counted all of my flaws, and lapses in my appearance, and then I counted all of the things I actually like about myself. It came out I have more flaws, but that doesn't matter. I accept those flaws, that's all that counts.


So now I can actually say, that for once in my life, I love myself and I accept myself for who and what I am.


Whoever I choose to be, I know that in the end, even if I don't like parts of my body, or parts of my personality, that at least I can accept those flaws and move on.


You should be able to do that also.

Little Girl

I wrote this song for a friend's sister, who has just had a miscarriage.

Little girl,
I hope you're happy in the sky.
Little girl,
Spread your wings and dare to fly.
I'll continue,
To love you.
And you continue to be okay.
I'll keep my hopes up in the clouds,
And I'll bow my head to pray.

Is this really happening?
No.
I vowed to protect you.
Now the only time I get to see you,
Is falling into sleep.

And in my dreams,
You walk with the angels.
And you're whispering,
How you miss me so.
I still don't understand,
How this gift you give,
Can be taken away so easily.
But I love you.
Just remember me.

Oh, little girl.

Do you miss me like I miss you?
Little girl,
Your daddy can't breathe without you.
And I'll carry,
On your memory,
That I store so deep inside.
Promise me,
You'll fly free,
And I promise not to cry.

And in my dreams,
You walk with the angels.
And you're whispering,
How you miss me so.
I still don't understand,
How this gift you give,
Can be taken away so easily.
But I love you.
Just remember me.
Oh little girl.

Everytime I think about your smile,
No one gets to see.
I try so hard to bear your gift,
That you gave to me.
But I'll keep my head up high,
Over my head is whrere you fly.
Well, I promised not to cry,
But I can't hold this in,
I'm sorry.

And in my dreams,
You walk with the angels.
And you're whispering,
How you miss me so.
I still don't understand,
How this gift you give,
Can be taken away so easily.
But I love you.
Just remember me.
Oh little girl.

Oh little girl.
Oh little girl.

The Truth

I figured out today that telling the truth is harder then it seems. We all like to hide behind our lies because it makes it so much easier to trust someone else with their lies and not be hurt then to fully trust them and get torn apart. It would be a much simpler and conventient society if everyone would just tell the truth.

But it's hard.

If you tell someone what you wouldn't normally tell anyone else, it's like giving birth to a relationship that you naturally care so much about, and fret over losing.

But when it comes to lying, everyone does it. You can't help it. If you lie in a relationship, like almost everyone I know does, then it's so hard to tell your significant other that you had lied, because you don't want them to figure it out and start lying to you, or to snatch back the trust that they had put into you.

So we lie, and we go out of our ways to make that lie seem like a realistic possibility.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPlSmAWmi1I

The link above is to a song called "The Truth" and I think you'll like it.

Because it's true.

I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.

I definetly change my mind. Best birthday ever!

I was given words of advice from someone very wise.

If people make fun of you for being who you are, who cares? Who are they to tell you who to be and how to act? Shut them out. And you know what, if they still don't like your attitude, own it! Wear it like you're proud, and if they still give you shit; turn around and sock 'em in the face!

I found out today just how stupid I feel everybody is in most of my classes. They don't know shit, most likely because they don't pay attention to the teacher. I'm a nerd, and I don't care what you say about me.

If you don't like it, screw off.

I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.

Birthday

It's my birthday today.

I got birthday wishes from everyone I know, except for the one person I was hoping would.

No, she didn't.

But that's okay, I'm sure this dead feeling in the pit of my stomach will go away sooner or later.

Note to self: Sarcasm doesn't translate well over the internet.

Edit Note: Also, note to self: Do NOT inhale soda!

Dear You

Run and hide,
I'll be there when you get home.
You can cry,
I'm not gonna up and go.
Truth and lies,
You don't stand a chance alone,
Too far gone,
Distant eyes,
So much missing from your smile.

Dear You,
Don't give in,
It's worth it in the end.
Oh child,
Don't give up.
You're beautiful,
You'll find your love.
I may not know how you feel,
But I can help you through.
I know all wounds will heal.
Cause I've walked a mile in your shoes,
But even though I try.
I can't see through your eyes.

Fill a void,
With every piece of hope.
Have some poise,
I don't want you to lose control.
It may be wrong,
But all pain lasts this long.
Just move on,
Don't fall back,
Just believe that love can last.

Dear You,
Don't give in,
It's worth it in the end.
Oh child,
Don't give up.
You're beautiful,
You'll find your love.
I may not know how you feel,
But I can help you through.
I know all wounds will heal.
Cause I've walked a mile in your shoes,
But even though I try.
I can't see through your eyes.

She believed,
He lied.
But if he regrets it,
You can smile.
Knowing everytime he sees your face,
He drowns in guilt from all your pain.

Dear You,
Don't give in,
It's worth it in the end.
Oh child,
Don't give up.
You're beautiful,
You'll find your love.
I may not know how you feel,
But I can help you through.
I know all wounds will heal.
Cause I've walked a mile in your shoes,
But even though I try.
I can't see through your eyes.

Today is the day of lonely

It's these type of days that define my darkness. I love the people in my life, I honestly do, but I don't need your advice. You think you're helping me but you're only hurting me. I'm so lonely I was actually considering calling the boy who broke my heart to come over and hang out with me. I didn't, thank god. But the fact that thoughts like that actually run through my mind is disturbing. I'm taking a giant leap backwards, after taking only three meer baby-steps forward.

I miss her.

I need her.

Yeah, I know time heals all wounds, but little time has passed. I still get tears in my eyes whenever she walks by without a backwards glance. Whenever looks back, she looks at me like I'm a lost cause.

And I know that you say she's not a real friend for hurting me like this, but I can't help it.

She is, and always will be, my best friend.

Look before you jump

Look before you jump head first into love.

Rise before you dive 'cause you'll always be enough.

Swept up off your feet and you feel so safe and sound.

Held so tight in such strong arms you'll never feel left out.

But when they let go you're falling

And you're falling

Falling

Falling

Falling down.

And the only person there to catch you is the ground.

Shattered into pieces no one but yourself could mend.

And when you meet another

It starts over again.

I miss you

Jessica, if you're reading this; I'm sorry you think that my caring for you is just so goddamn wrong, but I won't stop, even if you do. You weren't only my best friend, but you were my sister. Best friends come and go, but sisters always come back. Maybe when you finally realize that I'm right, when the inevitable happens and he breaks your heart, like I told you he would, maybe then you'll come back and ask for my forgiveness. Or maybe not. I don't know anymore. I don't even think I know you anymore.

But that won't stop me from missing you.

I miss you.

...

I've spent three years battling this darkness, and after three long hard years of fighting to keep my life, this darkness still has a hold of me. And it's tightening it's grip, and it's pulling me under. I'm so scared. Because now I have no one there to keep me from hurting myself. I miss my body guard.

C for Cheater

"What does being cheated on feel like?"

Like every bone in your body is being ripped apart and your head is exploding reapetedly, all while simultaneously your spine is being shoved down your throat. And you cry, and cry, and cry. And your heart hurts. You actually feel pain in your chest, although there is no internal cause, it's your mind inflicting pain onto yourself out of affliction. But no matter what the cause is the pain is still there.

And then when you don't think you can take it anymore, and you feel hopeless and lost, you try to call him and he doesn't answer his phone. Then you feel trapped, like every day is just another repeat, and you'll never get out of your daily rut. But you gradually start to feel better, you can finally sleep, you're finally eating, and going back to whatever it is that you love to do so much, whether is be writting, singing, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, or reading.

But all of the sudden they come back around, just when you think you're over them. And they pick and poke and bother you until they get a responce. Then they have the nerve to tell you they miss you, and that's when you assume he's lying, and that he never really loved you all along. And you try to figure out where everything went wrong, and you end up with a list that's two-thousand pages long, never stopping to think maybe it was him and not yourself.

Then you wonder to yourself what you did to deserve this. You never did anything bad, so karma should like you. But no, appearently not. So now you're watching him actually love another woman, and you feel so disgusted with yourself and your envy that you just feel like dropping to the ground right then and there and praying to God to take away your life. But you get better, with the help of true friends and true smiles always cheering you up.

Then you're thinking about how they never saw the tears, and they never felt the pain you felt. Because we all automatically assume that they do, which makes it so hard to forgive. Then you realize that they might be hurt also, and you realize that if they weren't there, then they don't know, they don't understand.

I'm still so angry he didn't right the wrongs he had done.

"They can walk a mile in your shoes, but they can never really look through your eyes."

Mistake of Mr. Fuck Up

You know what you did wrong? When she was trying to find you, to talk to you, you did what all men do best; you ran and hid. And when she finally snapped out of her silent reverie and realized you weren't worth it, you came back around, begging for forgiveness. It's too late darling. Her eyes are set on another man now, so I suggest you learn from your mistake and move on.