The Aftermath Of Love

They say it was better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. But they're wrong. You love. Present tense. If we love someone, then we keep loving them forever. You never stop. If you say you loved someone, then you never truly "loved" them at all.

Through all of those secret kisses, and even the not-so-secret kisses, do you still believe you're over them? Through all of those times they held you, or you held them, do you still think you'd never take them back? Many don't. If they do something unforgivable, then that deed is done, there is no taking it back. And if upon doing that deed you loose the love of your life, then so be it. Those words were said, and cannot be unsaid.But, many also believe in second chances (and in some cases, third or fourth chances). So if you take the time to realize you're lucky enough to even have them crawling back to you with their tails between their legs, then maybe they might just prove to be a loyal companion. Most of the time, given second chances, you screw up, again. But take the time to enjoy those moments spent together, and look back with a smile on your face. Because if you don't; you will just be haunted forever (and probably never loved them in the first place).

Smile too much, laugh too loud, and take too many pictures. Enjoy those memories with each other, and look into the future with high hopes that the person you love will still hold you in their heart also, and that hopefully, one day, you might even become good friends.

Interesting

I have specific (and weird) interests at the moment.

1. Writing in general

2. Songwriting/singing

3. Scriptwriting/producing

4. Dreams/Subconscious mind/Dream meanings

5. Photography

6. Anxiety disorder

7. Common interest in specific people

Notice a pattern? Writing, writing/music, writing, psychology, art, psychology, obsession. I wonder which one will win? By win, I mean which one will I choose.

Well whichever one I choose, I know there will be some form of writing in it. Because I love it. I can't get enough of it. All of the people I surround myself in my life usually have the same interests that I do. Jessica loves writing songs/singing, photography, and she shares the same interests in the same people that I do. Hayley loves....well she's just.....Hayley. I love her. Autumn shares the same interests in the same people I do, and she likes art, so....

My point is; no matter what I grow up to be in life-Author, One-hit wonder, scientist (although I dread this career choice) psychologist, or janitor-there will always be words on a piece of paper, or computer screen, in front of me. I will always be inspired to write, whether it be stories of others', others' work, or just the beauty of life in general. Writing is my passion, my calling, I've been writing since grade school (that's what my grade school teachers all told me)!

So for those of you who don't believe they're good at anything: what do you love doing? Chances are, you're pretty good at doing what you want to do. You don't do well on things you force upon yourself (I.E I've always wanted to be a model, but I don't love modeling). So, have too high of hopes, have too big of wishes, have confidence in what you do. Even if you grow up to be something different than what you wanted, if you surround yourself with what you love doing, and people who share the same interests, then you'll gradually become better at it, and (I'm not saying for sure) maybe you'll be recognized.

Live your dream. Even if it isn't exactly your dream, at least you have important aspects of that dream.

Live it. Love it. Do it.

Thank you

Thank you. For being my inspiration. For being there to reinforce that this world is a good world after all. For seeing the good in people. For not judging people who judge you. For not giving up on something you believe you can save. For being a flamboyant, spontaneous, outgoing optimist. For making me believe in love. For helping me understand a little bit more about the world. Thank you for helping me.

-To Keltie Colleen

Thank you. For being my writing inspiration. For being different. For not subjecting yourself to criticism. For pointing out the flaws in today's economy. For being funny. For helping me comprehend all of the troubles I might encounter when I grow older. For warning me about this world. Thank you for making me want to write more and more each and every day.

-To Ryan Ross

(NOT Mr. Fuck Up)

Thank you. For being there for me. For holding me when I cried. For being there to share the laughs. For actually laughing at my corny jokes. For teaching me a little bit about myself. For knowing me more than I know myself. For giving me pop-tarts. For mangoes and peaches. For being there to obsess over Ryan Ross and Keltie Colleen with me. For making me actually care about Brendon Urie. For being there with me through the ups and downs without ever taking your hand out of mine. For never leaving my side. For being my best friend. For being my sister (even though we aren't biologically related). Thank you for the past years, and hopefully the years to come. I love you. Thank you.

-To Jessica

You two

There are a few songs that remind me of you two. You two, if you don't remember whom I'm talking about; is that boy and that girl. One song, is definintely Break-Even by The Script. Then Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy, You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette, White Flag by Dido, Where I Stood by Missy Higgins, I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt, One Last Kiss by Madina Lake, Don't Speak by No Doubt, and Black Rose by Trapt. All of those song remind me of you two. Or, now, you and you. There is no more two.

But even then I can't help feeling like there's some hope you might reunite. Like maybe there is something left to save. Maybe there is still love there after all. Maybe she is a whore, and that boy deserves her. But that girl deserves so much better. If you're confused, I'm talking about three people here. That boy, that girl, and her. I really do wish at night that they would get back together. That, even though I'm probably wrong, she is a slut and a horrible person with no human morals whatsoever.

"Loving him, hard to regret. Losing him, hard to accept. But with all of the pain I've felt, letting go is the hardest yet." - Anonymous.

"And the hardest part is holding on when you know he already let go" - Anonymous.

"You had me at hello, and killed me at goodbye." - Anonymous.

"Here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie." - Anonymous.

"You ignorant, immature, inappropriate, rude, outrageous, incompetent, revolting, downright ridiculous, neurotic, pessimistic, naive, obnoxious, narcissistic, self centered little bastard! I love you." - Me ;)

Please consider it. Not only for me. But for you too.

And I'm talking to you too Justin.

Memories

I think it's funny how one moment you could be there for a friend in need, and the next moment you could be in need of an absent friend. I think it's funny how one moment you could be everything, and the next moment you could be nothing. I think it's funny how you one moment you're wishing you would meet a decent person, and the next moment you're wishing you never met that "decent" person. I think it's a riot. It's hilarious.

No it really isn't. It's not funny. It's depressing. Do you know what I think is funny? I think it's funny how we don't remember days, but we remember moments. So we remember the moments we felt good for helping those in need, or felt important. Then you remember those moments, those terrible little heartbreaking moments, where you feel lonely and irrelevant. You remember that moment were everything was perfect? They were holding you, kissing you, telling you that you were important. You remember that other moment? Where they were screaming at you, calling you worthless and pathetic?

We all remember relevant little details about life. But when it comes down to it, we can never really see the big picture unless it's shown to us. Screw those who say they can see that god damn picture. It ain't real. We remember voices, names, faces, important facts about others' lives. But we never fully comprehend that person. We might connect ourselves with them on a basic level of common grounds, you know, "Oh yeah, the same thing happened to me also." We can put ourselves in their shoes, but we can't ever see through their eyes.

In Lust

In Lust


Nothing is ever what it looks like.
You "fell" into her.
You accidentally fell for her.
I guess I tripped you.
I guess I pushed you into it.
I guess I'm sorry,
It's my fault for not being perfect.
Well you found the trophy girl.
So put her in your trophy case.
Because that's where she belongs.
Or is that just what you think?

You're not in love.
You're in lust with her.
You can't be the perfect couple,
When you're not a couple at all.

Everything is what it looks like now.
You're home on the couch,
moping around.
I bet you still don't know.
When she left she had on lipstick.
Do you really believe she out with her "friends?"
But I'll be here when you're down.
After you find out about,
what she does.
What she does with them.
I'm sorry to inform you,
But they're not her "friends."

You're not in love.
You're in lust with her.
You can't be the perfect couple,
When you're not a couple at all.

So ask yourself this questions;
Is it me or is it her?
Did you find your trophy girl?
Isn't it ironic,
How the world works?
She's sleeping with other guys,
When you're the one who slept with her.
Instead of me.

But I'll be here when you're down.
After you find out about,
what she does.
What she does with them.
I'm sorry to inform you,
But they're not her "friends."

You're not in love.
You're in lust with her.
You can't be the perfect couple,
When you're not a couple at all.

So what?

"Is she pretty?" - Me. "She's beautiful." - You. "I'm so happy for you.." - Me. "No you're not." - You. "Yeah, but envy tastes horrible on my lips." - Me. "I'm so sorry." - You. "No you're not." - Me. "Yeah, but guilt tastes horrible on my lips." - You.

So what if I'm ThinkingOfYou64TimesADay? So what if you're kissing her? So what if I can't breathe? So what if you don't miss me? So what if the best part of me, and frankly the only part of me I like, was you? So what if the only reason you want to talk to me is because you feel guilty? So what if I threw the ring you gave me in the garbage disposal? So what if you gave her a prettier ring? So what if I can't sleep? So what if you're smiling and I'm not?

So What? What = everything. What = heartbreak. What = cheating. What = bad days. What = tears. What = Mr. LumpInMyThroat. What = "Oh hey, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" - You. "Oh yeah, I'm good" - Me. What = lies. What = a trophy girl to put in your trophy case. What = sorry. What = you're not forgiven. What = What.

"I'm sorry" won't fix "you cheated."