I just saw a bunch of seagulls go by, it reminded me that I wanted to fly. Now, I suppose I still do, but not to fly away. I want to soar with you. With all of my friends.

For the first time in a long time....I am at peace. With life. With myself.

Everything is fine.

Although I don't think it will stay that way when I return home.

I leave for South Carolina tomorrow.
I'm excited but
I don't feel like it.
I think my feelings are hiding.
Save sadness and anger.

Blah.
Seeing JM yesterday and Mitchell today helped me a lot.
JM's coming over now and he's bringing me coffee
like the awesome boyfriend he is.
Cofffeeeeeeeeeeee.

*turkey noises*
they put me on abilify
wif my celexa.
I am officially crazy.
lol

things are looking up(:
well finally.
never thought I'd see the day
when you smiled at me.

yes, that is Paramore!
Kinda describes this whole sha-bang.
*turkey noises*
JM is here.
Cooooffffffffeeeeeeeeeee

peace

Who are you to call me a stranger?
I'm not the one who's stuck in the mirror.
I know everything you do,
and yet you think you're better.
Face it,
you are me too.
So don't judge me
like you would've done different.
I can't help playing memories in my head.
Revising and trying
to make it a different end.
You think everything went wrong
but you're just so mislead.

everytime..

this happens,
you're nice to me...
nice
nice
nice

but after a while
you forget
you slip
slip
slip
back to normal

and i guess everything is back to normal
because misery is back,
and i'm his best friend.

this darkness creep
creep
creeps
back up on me.
swallows me.
i am drowning without
a hand offering me
salvation.

it taunts me with light,
happiness.
every thing is perfect
perfect
perfect...
but not me.
is that why this darkness
follows me?
stalks me?
forever.

no pills
pills
pills
don't do shit.
nothing.

i am break
break
breaking apart
i am done.
done.
with life.

i cannot even see
i am surrounded.
it squeeze
squeeze
squeezes the life
out of me.

i am hollow.
dead.
done.

sigh.
im slipping.
back.
sigh.
you're the giant ass crack.
no im not talking about ass.

sigh.

cryptic me
silly me
explosions go boom.
i can hear my heart
in my throat.
a ticking time bomb.
just like you.

fuck,
what the hell am i supposed to do about this?
ignore it?
thats gotten me SO far in the past.
i cant talk about it.
i cannot.
will not.

shit.
maybe i am crazy?
do i really needneedneed
need i?
wantwantwant.
fuck.

fuck you.
i knew it was a matter of time.
we called the fucking bomb squad...
but band-aids cant fix bombs.
i dont know which wire to cut
looks like ive cut the wrong one..
now were back where we started
just like i knew we would be.

its a loop.
a cycle.
unbreakable...
how long do i have to suffer through
this before
you finally get that
im done?

done.....

sigh

The bombs are falling.
We're all just running
like children on a playground,
playing hide and seek
with life and death now.
We've got the brains,
we've got the smarts,
to tear them apart.
We'll hide it well,
we'll flip the charts,
and give us a head start.
We all know,
we all see.
We can't run
if we can't breathe.
They'll hunt us down,
town to town.
We have to stand up
we have to speak out.

Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why.
Where's your precious leaders now?

We won't get far crawling,
you know there's no point in stalling.
They see us running wild.
It's easy taking
candy from child.
We've drank from them,
we know it's poisoned.
they still won't listen.
They're just so thirsty
for information.
It's their persuasion.
They think it's
the only ration.
So they take the basin.

Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why...
Where's your precious leaders now?
Hiding away in a bunker.
Somewhere deep under the ground.
Escaping all the thunder.
Up above,
we're left to defend ourselves.
You wonder why.
Where's your precious leaders now?

Hey stranger,
I know it's hard to remember me.

do i look different?
i do!
no shit.

you made me this way
you made me this way
you made me
this way

and blame me for my changes

shoo, im no longer single.
i dont move on fast, its just...
i wanted to.
this time.
and im not sure if i even like you.
but its only been a couple days...
why not wait?

okay, lets create a list.

My top 10 favorite smells (because I can)

1. Coffee
2. Books
3. Coffee (again)
4. Bonfires
5. Coffee (againagain)
6. Chlorine
7. Alcohol
8. Sweat
9. My shampoo (its kick-ass)
10. Nail polish

So i bullshitted the last couple cause i couldnt come up with more than 7.

oh! more news! im out of the partial program!
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOMMM

Nevertheless, it did help. I must admit.

Oh, and i have acquired a whole new group of friends...
because Tristan wont text me back.
bitch.
they issss....
john and george and cody and curtis and...well all them up in the shores.

home life is going good.
i tan most the day then hang with meh peeps.
but i cant tan.
my skin is like
no...fuck you.
and im like...
im gonna keep torturing you until you fucking tan...
bitch.

peace. gonna call the grandmaa