My brain hurts

Nothing is lucid anymore,

I feel like I'm stuck in a dream-like state.

Everything is surreal,

as if I'm watching over my life.

I don't feel alive.

What's the point of living if you can't live?

They say all that matters is now,

not the past;

not the present.

But what if its all bleeding together,

blending into one intricate mess of my life?

Days are passing faster;

I can't tell one from another,

I just go through the motions.

I've shut everyone out of my life.

I've been stepped on for too long,

and I'm tired of treating people

how I would want to be treated.

Now I treat them how they treat me.

And it sucks because I'm alienating everyone,

and realizing maybe they shouldn't

have been in my life in the first place.

At the first red flag I drop them,

I am giving no more second chances.

But I'm lonely.

And I'm scared.