It's breaking my heart to make this decision.

I can't live knowing I've caused the death of someone else. The toll of the regret will take all I have left of me. It will disappoint my family, and I don't think I can handle the shit they will give me. I know they will never look at me the same.

I can't give my life up to this alien; I won't be able to care for something I never wanted. I quite frankly see it more as a burden than a blessing. Its a mistake, a simple slip up that's going to cost me more than my mind.

My life has been flipped over and crushed, making my plans for the future seem implausible. I have to change everything, and I'm very comfortable with my life right now. 

All of the options I have seem so far out of reach. I mull them over in my head again and again, weighing the pros and cons, all of the possibilities and what-ifs. I'm turning this situation inside out to try and find a solution, but there are so many factors I have to take into consideration. Its so much more complicated than a yes or no answer.

I still have no clue what I am going to do, and my hesitation  is leading to huge assumptions by all the witnesses. Waiting is turning this nightmare into a demon. I can no longer afford to spend any more time thinking this through, but I haven't completely gotten my answer yet. 

Come Wednesday, I will hopefully have made my decision, and I will hopefully not have lost my mind over it.