Everyone is forcing their opinions on me and telling me that they aren't. They all make enemies with the ones whose opinions differ from their own.  

Hell is scratching at my back.

Ultimately, this is my choice. You all fail to realize this. You say it is completely up to me but then try to mold my mindset to your ideas. I will not lie down and have you all fight with each other and me about what is going to happen. Its my decision to make, not yours. 

Furthermore; I will not have you plead with me, beg me, or threaten me if your plans aren't similar to mine. I've had enough. I was looking for support amongst family and friends and all I found was chaos. You all have completely disappointed me, and worse, broken my heart.

This is MY life.

I can't believe you. Its hard enough to make this decision on my own, but to have everyone talking in my ear at once makes this ten times more difficult. If you aren't supportive of whatever decision I choose, then you aren't allowed to talk to me about the subject. If you are, but have differing opinions, don't TELL me about them unless I ask. I don't need everyone's two cents.

Enough is enough.

It's breaking my heart to make this decision.

I can't live knowing I've caused the death of someone else. The toll of the regret will take all I have left of me. It will disappoint my family, and I don't think I can handle the shit they will give me. I know they will never look at me the same.

I can't give my life up to this alien; I won't be able to care for something I never wanted. I quite frankly see it more as a burden than a blessing. Its a mistake, a simple slip up that's going to cost me more than my mind.

My life has been flipped over and crushed, making my plans for the future seem implausible. I have to change everything, and I'm very comfortable with my life right now. 

All of the options I have seem so far out of reach. I mull them over in my head again and again, weighing the pros and cons, all of the possibilities and what-ifs. I'm turning this situation inside out to try and find a solution, but there are so many factors I have to take into consideration. Its so much more complicated than a yes or no answer.

I still have no clue what I am going to do, and my hesitation  is leading to huge assumptions by all the witnesses. Waiting is turning this nightmare into a demon. I can no longer afford to spend any more time thinking this through, but I haven't completely gotten my answer yet. 

Come Wednesday, I will hopefully have made my decision, and I will hopefully not have lost my mind over it.