broken

the world is full of empty people, those that
feign interest and happiness
in the routines of everyday life.
We walk sideways like crabs,
picking at the sand on misfortune,
trying to find some resemblance
of their glory days.
this world is full of shells,
colorful and decorated with smiles
and white teeth. but they cannot
hide the dullness in their eyes,
shiny or not they leak the truth
of despair in their souls.
of course no one i know is like that.
they've yet to be broken,
only now beginning to live their lives,
which 15 - 18 years of it have been wasted,
behind desks and chalkboards.

my world is a shattered dimension of this.
distorted through my hazel eyes.
somewhere not parallel to your own,
but somewhere far off,
a distant relative,
a second cousin
twice removed.
my world is shattered simply because,
the eyes are the window to the soul,
and my soul is broken.
and everything we see,
our perspective, if you will,
is our world. not shared with
anyone but one completely of
our own.
and if my soul is broken,
then my vision is distorted.
then my dimension is shattered.

my soul has been loosing pieces,
like a broken mirror,
whose sharp shards of glass
have fallen from the board they were glued to.
over time, not just with my few seconds of its life,
it has been repeatedly kicked, when down,
as the offender expects a fall
when they will not receive one.
my soul has lived a long time,
passed from generation to generation,
hand to hand,
always falling in the wrong ones.
now, the hand-me-down i've received is
far beyond its breaking point.
it is old, giving me infinite wisdom
on what to avoid and how to live.
wisdom i give to others and ignore myself. (ahaha)
but my soul is close to retirement,
its old age making the new body it was given
hard to keep in touch with.
heaven is calling and i know it must go.

my body is the only thing that will remain,
and my mind,
my beautiful mind,
will carry on with my soul.
the new one i am given,
might be too young.
what will happen to me?
to my creativity?
will i lose that as well?

Since you never give me a chance to explain myself in person

You think I'm just being this way to be this way.
You don't understand how bad of a week this has been.
I'm sorry I've been taking it out on you,
but I'm agitated because this came back.
Full fledged.

I'm hiding it behind misdirected rage
and tears that always threaten to spill over.
The truth is, I just don't give a rats ass about anything anymore.
I don't care.
If you take away this trip I have nothing to look forward to.
I've already been pushing away the idea, for so long,
but now its starting to seem more and more like my only option.

infinite

i think i finally understand what the meaning of "infinite" is...
(not the literal meaning)

last night i found that place of happiness again,
and it's stayed with me until today
until right now.

when the windows are down
and the music is blasted
and i can feel the bass in my gut...

but none of that would mean anything without friends.

and for the first time i went to a hookah bar.
experienced awkward there
experienced smoke bubbles
and laughed about the douchebags that come to that place.

but none of that would mean anything without friends.

i am vintage.

i think the definition of infinite is sundry.
definitely varying per person.
and my definition of infinite is

not filled up with happiness
but able to expand beyond that
to never end.
and to fill the infinity with whatever definition you give to happiness.

and i am infinite.

i believe in god

i also believe in gay marriage, abortions, medicine, and evolution.

but go ahead and condemn me to hell...
i mean, we're all god's children..
but im certain that if i were your actual blood sister,
you wouldnt judge me,
or say a word to me about the choices ive made that may
"defy" god.

religion is not the problem here
god is not the problem here

we are.